10 Lessons to Learn and Re-Learn

  1. Be okay with saying fuck it, literally and figuratively. Sometimes it is the only phrase that best captures the emotional realness of depth and despair or the incredible intensity of courage and expansion. When things aren’t working we have to, we need to, be okay with throwing in the towel and moving onto something else. We also have to be able to feel like we’re not ready, scared, and say “fuck it” and jump forward anyways being okay with mistakes and not knowing if we’ll land on our face or our feet. Be okay with turning some people off and making them uncomfortable if it means living your truth. It’s not dramatic, it’s real.
  2. Darkness is beautiful and lightness can be deep too. We resist struggle, sadness, and anger, but these heavy heroes can teach us so much. When we drop into our shadows we learn an incredible amount about ourselves. Only when you’ve experienced yourself and others at their worst can you fully love unconditionally. The love, the joy, the lightness, is not just fluff at the other end of the spectrum. It’s just as powerful as darkness. Light expands. Its depth rips apart our limits and propels us into being who we’re meant to be. Lightness gives us wings and makes us warriors of goodness. May we live in a world where we can look at each other and say, “All of me loves all of you. The light and the darkness.”
  3. Listening to your intuition is not enough, you need to trust it. I got into a really scary place with my health when I ignored my intuition this past year. Our intuition is always there, subtly and quietly, giving us hints on where to go and what to do. If you’re too busy you’ll miss its whisper. Worse still, if you hear it and choose to walk the other way, there is some intense wake up call waiting for you around the corner. We all know this but forget it. Careful, though, life has this way of slapping you in the face or whipping you in the bum if you ignore the message it’s sending through intuition. Listen constantly and have the courage to trust that inner voice of guidance.
  4. It’s nice to have money, but it’s a necessity to have people who support you. Life without meaningful relationships is bleak, hard, and missing the beauty that exists between two humans. Our wealth comes from our connections, and not how many we have, but how deeply we love one another. When it comes down to it, do you choose people over things? When you make people and relationships your main focus your life will thrive. My biggest flops in my work came when I did something just to make money. It doesn’t work, at least in the long run. Serve, give, share, grow, open up, and love… make that your work. Make that your mission and money will always come.
  5. If you don’t believe you’re worthy and enough no one else will. You’ve got to stand up for yourself. Read: Why I Threw Up My Middle Fingers and Walked Away to get the full story that inspired this lesson. Honor yourself as the amazing human you are, perfectly imperfect. Know your value, and don’t settle for less than it. Don’t let others treat you like crap. Treat others with kindness and respect, and treat yourself the same way. If you struggle with this, every area of your life will suffer. Do the work you need to believe this planet needs you and your gifts. Your voice is important, and yes, you can make your dreams a reality. If you can’t do this on your own get a coach, therapist, friend, family member, or teacher to help you. If you happen to have one of those golden people in your life who knows your value even when you don’t, cherish them. They are rare and will only stick around for so long if you don’t start valuing yourself too.
  6. Don’t fall in love. Fly in it. Imagine a world where we put love first, where we put energy into creating relationships where the mutual desire and outcome is massive growth for both individuals and the relationship. Putting love first, is different than putting lust first, your needs first, or expectations first. It also means not putting your partner up on a pedestal for worship and giving away your power. If you fall in love, you begin to drown in the human flaws and mistakes. You swim in the neurosis of the mind together. When you fly in love, you allow the relationship to lift both of you up into a place where your souls are fulfilled. Sometimes you continue to fly together, but other times you fly apart into new flocks with other birds.  Allow love to elevate you. Commit to lifting up every single person you come into contact with and watch your life transform.
  7. Being wrong happens, admitting it and navigating the next step is an art. “I’m sorry” and “Please forgive me” are two phrases we can all use more. I deeply respect someone when they come to me and say one of the above statements. If you know you’ve crashed and burned, admit it. Own it. If you changed your mind, that’s fine, communicate around it. A couple times I discovered I was too proud to ‘fess up and only got myself further down the rabbit hole of complications and feeling less than proud about myself.  Don’t wait for the other party to make things right, show your integrity and course correct. You’re a human – we all screw up. When you own that it becomes fuel for progress and deeper connections.
  8. You’re always changing, and so are your beliefs. Don’t get too stuck on who you are, what you’re doing, or what rules you adhere to at this point. Looking back it’s easy to see how much we’ve grown and evolved, but we underestimate how much we will continue to change as we flow forward. When we hold onto things too tightly, we block that natural evolution from occurring. Give yourself the room to shift and expand, and be mindful that others are doing the same too. That means your work or business, relationships, and body are sure as hell going to be different in 10 years, maybe even next week. That’s okay, embrace it. Work with change instead of resisting it.
  9. Being busy is not cool. There’s nothing awesome about blowing off the people you love because “you don’t have time.” Stop glorifying busyness. If your calendar is that packed and overwhelming it’s probably because you’re attempting to work harder instead of smarter. If you don’t want to do something, don’t blame time, just say no. (Harder said than done… I struggle with this one! Lack of time is such a good darn excuse.) Our bodies are crying out for us to take breaks, for naps and snacks. We need vacations. We need slow time to cuddle, to sip wine for hours, to do absolutely nothing for a whole day in our sweatpants. I’m over being busy, you with me? Instead, let’s be more intentional about how we spend our time and only choose to put things on our calendars that truly light us up. Let’s talk about our lives being abundant, full, or overflowing with goodness, but not busy.
  10. We need healing, not fixing. I relearn this every single day. We’ve become a society of problem solvers, so we’re really super skilled at fixing and making things better. But that’s not really what we need, that’s what we want. Our hearts need love not makeovers. Our problems can’t all be solved by thinking them through, but rather by feeling them through. If you’re a healer (we all are), thank you. May we all open up, wide and deep, to receive the healing that we need. May we be brave and ask for it. May we be powerful and give it when possible. Remember that a simple smile, a generous act, or loving touch can heal.
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